cw: overdose, death of a parent.
The stitched work that I create has always been intensely personal in nature. This comes from my admiration for zines, and I liken the confessional nature of my text work to that of the perzine. I am inviting you into the 'work' that I create in my bedroom 'studio.' I intend to share more than I have ever tried to about what informs the things that I make. I'm looking to break in a few walls here.
Textile work comes much more naturally to me than paper work, though I have enjoyed trying out paper collage, stitching, and watercolour techniques over this past year. I feel connected to stitching and textile work in general because I learned to sew, cross stitch, and crochet at an early age from my mum. I like to be able to put the object I'm making in a tote bag and carry it with me wherever I go. I like especially if it happens to rain when my object and I are on the move. I like to have it kept between other daily items, and in a way, I feel that this helps me breathe life into it. It can get to know me and my day while I get to know it. It's a casual relationship, but not one which is lacking in affection, nor in depth.
I started thinking about Molten Heart a year ago. It began for me as a monthly reflection, a wish, and a set of intentions. It will continue to be centered by the passing of the month, though it will be added to and interacted with more frequently. I am learning to be more honest with myself and those in my life. Five years ago this November I lost one of the people who raised me to overdose. I have a difficult time talking about this, no doubt, but an especially difficult time because of my experiences in confiding in particular people in my life. John was my step dad and he will always be a father to me and to my brother. There is nothing that I can locate in my body that can put how I feel about him into words.
My first invitation to you for Molten Heart is this: I ask you to join me as I stitch one of my favourite photos of John in dedication to him. The process involved in stitching this photo will be what I write about--that is what I'm thinking for now, anyway. When I make a personal stitched piece I tend to take the time spent with that labour dedicating my brain space to the love that I know and wish to hold for a person or a memory. I feel it is a blessing to get to meet with John in my dreams on a regular basis, but I need to do more sharing. I need to feel my grief in a tangible way for a while. I decided to take on this project very impulsively a couple of nights before November hit, and just a few days before John's birthday. I chose a photo that was posted on his Facebook wall--which I believe was taken at a Halloween party--to stitch. I like this photo because I feel like I've been to this party. I can imagine myself there as he was there. I've ordered 46 colours of embroidery thread and a stretch of 18 count aida cloth to make this piece. I'll keep you posted.
Thanks for listening *✧